Jokes

Triplets

In a New York hospital, Nurse to a new but arrogant white american father: ”Congrats, your wife just had triplets.” American: ”Im not suprised lady. My tool is as big as a chimney! Nurse: ”Then Better get it cleaned… they’re all Black”

Concerned Texan

A pretty young woman was traveling in a train across Texas. A dapper looking man walked up to her and whispered something in her ear, whereupon she gave him a stinging slap in the face. A tall Texan seated across the aisle stood up and asked her, “Is this man molesting you, Ma’am?” “He certainly is,” she replied. “He just…

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Little Johnny & Dickson

Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils. One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole. Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. Kids came back the next day. No one knew the…

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Holiday Season

This is a friendly reminder about drinking and driving during the new year season One of my friends went out last night and after drinking he made a sensible decision to leave his car at the pub and took the bus home. He was really proud of himself this morning..!! He had never driven a bus before!

Three Cheers !

Three consultants were in the bathroom, standing at the urinals. Two were from the top-tier Accounting firms and the last was from a 5th-tier Indian firm. The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used 3 paper towels and ensured that every single spot…

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Hook-er who ?

Marty and his wife Louise sat at the bar of a Chicago hotel. Marty pointed to a striking blonde sitting at the other end and said, “That’s a hooker.” “I don’t believe it,” said Louise. “I will show you,” said Marty. He walked  over and chatted with the blonde — five minutes later they were in his room. “How much?” asked Marty.…

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sex greed personified

It seems that when the creator was making the world, he called man aside and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life. Man was horrified: “Only twenty years?” But the creator did not budge. That was all he would give him. Then he called the monkey and gave him twenty years. “But I don’t need twenty years,” the…

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Deep inside

A blind man was standing in a bus queue, when his neighbor was startled to see a dog calmly cock his leg and piss all down the blind man’s trousers. then the blind man realized what was happening, he put his hand into his pocket and produced a bar of chocolate that he held downwards for the dog. “That’s a…

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Surgery Box

Fenton’s wife was going to have a baby and he could not get a doctor. The snow outside was eight feet deep, the telephone lines  were down, and it was still snowing. He decided to go out and look for an M.D. He fought his way through the storm and saw a light which turned out to be a bar.…

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Talkative Parrot

While on their honeymoon, Kit and Netty bought a talkative parrot and took it back to their hotel room. As they made love the bird kept up a running commentary. Finally Kit flung a bath towel over the cage and said, “If you don’t shut up I am sending you to the zoo!” .Getting ready to leave the following morning,…

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Nun -Superior

On returning from his honeymoon, Michael phoned his father at the office. “Good to hear from you, son. Tell me, how is married life?” “Dad, I am really upset. I think I married a nun.” “A nun?” asked the startled father. “What do you mean?” “Ah, you know, Dad, none in the morning and none at night.” “Oh, that!” groaned…

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Lucky 5 !

Mulla Nasruddin awoke one morning and looked at the clock. It was five minutes to five. Unable to go back to sleep, he went to the front door to get his newspaper. On the front page he saw the date: May 5th.”Oh, fifth day, fifth month, five minutes before five,” he thought. “Today will be my lucky day!” He decided to go to…

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Talkative Parrot

While on their honeymoon, Kit and Netty bought a talkative parrot and took it back to their hotel room. As they made love the bird kept up a running commentary. Finally Kit flung a bath towel over the cage and said, “If you don’t shut up I am sending you to the zoo!” .Getting ready to leave the following morning,…

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Deep inside

A blind man was standing in a bus queue, when his neighbor was startled to see a dog calmly cock his leg and piss all down the blind man’s trousers. then the blind man realized what was happening, he put his hand into his pocket and produced a bar of chocolate that he held downwards for the dog. “That’s a…

Continue reading

sex greed personified

It seems that when the creator was making the world, he called man aside and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life. Man was horrified: “Only twenty years?” But the creator did not budge. That was all he would give him. Then he called the monkey and gave him twenty years. “But I don’t need twenty years,” the…

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Smarty boy

Preparing to give a small boy an aptitude test, a psychiatrist told his nurse to put a pitchfork, a wrench and a hammer on the table.  “If he grabs the pitchfork he will be a farmer. If he grabs the wrench he will be a mechanic. And if he grabs the hammer he will be a carpenter,” the doctor explained.…

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Down Under

An old country doctor found his work load too heavy and managed to persuade a young doctor to share his practice. “Just  remember, son,” cautioned the older man, “these are simple country folk. They don’t have much of a way with words, and sometimes they won’t be able to describe their symptoms accurately. But just keep your eyes open, and…

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a curse in disguise

“What has happened to Jack? I have not seen him for ages.” “Oh, he married the girl he rescued from drowning.” “And is he happy?” “Rather! But he hates water now.”

Head over Tail

Once upon a time there was a dog who was sitting by the side of the railway line when an express train roared by and cut off an inch of his tail. Seeking revenge, the dog waited patiently for the train’s next trip and tried to bite it as it went past. The train wheels ran right over the poor…

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Non Stop Chatter

A naked girl is standing, speaking endlessly to a naked man kneeling and embracing her belly, later lying supine at her feet. She says, “My life is empty… it is a mockery… I am nothing — just a facade — a shell… a dead and useless thing! I am twenty-six years old… and I have never had a meaningful relationship……

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Plight

Mulla Nasruddin and his family were walking to the cemetery with the body of his recently departed wife. Suddenly one of the pallbearers tripped on a stone and fell. The casket dropped to the ground and opened. Everyone stood in shock as the dead Mrs. Nasruddin opened her eyes. She was very much alive, the victim of catatonia. Five years…

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Cunningness

Cunning! And people think that to be cunning is to be clever. It is not so — only mediocre people are cunning. A really intelligent person need not be cunning. He is  intelligent and that’s more than enough. Cunningness is a poor substitute, a plastic substitute for intelligence. The mediocre person tries to look intelligent; in that very effort he…

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Start Camera Action

Two little old ladies were chatting over the backyard fence. The first one boasted, “I went out with old man Cain last night and I had to slap him twice.” “To stop him?” asked her friend. “No,” she giggled, “to start him!” Next One A man was making love to a woman and he asked her, “Am I the first…

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Politicians ploy

A politician was bitten by a dog, and a few days later his doctor told him that the lab tests were positive, that the dog had rabies, and that he too was infected. The politician pulled out a notebook and began writing furiously. “Now, take it easy,” said the doctor. “No need to start writing your will. You will pull…

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Polygamy ?

“Daddy, what is polygamy?” “Polygamy is a situation in which a man can have more than one wife.” “Okay. So what do you call a situation in which a man can have only one wife?” “Monotony, my son, monotony.”

Young Doctor

A lovely young thing entered a doctor’s office on her lunch hour and addressed a handsome young man in a white coat. “I have had a pain in my shoulder for a week. Can you help me?” she asked. “Lie down on this table,” he said, “and I will massage it for you.” After a few minutes the beautiful patient…

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Bride Selection

A marriage broker was trying to arrange a match between a businessman and a beautiful young girl. But the businessman was very cagey. “Before I buy goods,” the businessman said, “I look over samples, and before I get married I must also have a sample.” “But good heavens, man, you can’t ask a respectable girl for a thing like that!”…

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Hot Dogs

One very hot day a dog was walking along a road when he saw a take-away food shop. He went in and asked for a can of lemonade. “Get out!” said the shopkeeper. “Dogs are not allowed in food shops.” “But look here,” said the thirsty canine, “you’ve got a big sign outside that says, WE SERVE HOT DOGS!”

Free Advices

Two bums came to rest on the same park bench and struck up a conversation. Eventually they got around to how each of them had come to such dire straits. One explained, “You are looking at a man who never took a word of advice from any man.” “Isn’t that a coincidence?”  replied the other. “You are looking at a…

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