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Two little old ladies were chatting over the backyard fence. The first one boasted, “I went out with old man Cain last night and I had to slap him twice.”

“To stop him?” asked her friend.

“No,” she giggled, “to start him!”

Next One

A man was making love to a woman and he asked her, “Am I the first man to make love to you?” And a long silence followed. The man asked, “Have you heard me or not?”

She said, “I have heard, but I am counting.”

Next One

Mother called upstairs, “Caroline, please stop that shouting and screaming. Why can’t you play quietly like Tommy, who is not making a sound?”  “He’s not supposed to make a sound,” said Caroline. “We’re playing our family. He’s Daddy, after getting home late for dinner, and I’m you.”

Next one

A young man was asking the doctor, “Does it happen often? My wife is giving birth to a child and we have been married only seven months.”

The doctor must have been a wise old man, that type of doctor has disappeared. Now there are specialists, the ENT specialist and the dental surgeon; and somebody knows about one part and somebody else knows about another part and nobody knows about the whole man. The old physician was a wise man.

The old man said, “Yes, the first time it often happens, but never again.”

Next One

Two women were sitting in the doctor’s waiting room, comparing notes on their various disorders. “I  want  a  baby  more  than  anything  in  the  world,” said the first, “but I guess it’s impossible.”

“I used to feel just the same way,” said the second, “but then everything changed. That’s why I’m here; I’m going to have a baby in three months.”

“You must tell me what you did!”  “I went to a faith healer.”

“But I have tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn’t help a bit.”

The other woman smiled and whispered, “Try going alone next time, dearie!”

Another One

Old Lindley sat down at the doctor’s desk. “What is your problem?” asked the physician. “Well, Doc, after the first, I am very tired. After the second, I feel all in. After the third, my heart begins to pound. After the fourth, I break out in a cold sweat. And after the fifth, I am so exhausted I feel I could die!”

“Incredible!” said the M.D. “How old are you?” “Seventy-six.”

“Well, at seventy-six, don’t you think you should stop after the first?”

“But Doctor,” exclaimed old Lindley, “how can I stop after the first when I live on the fifth?”