Planning a baby or bringing up your Child

First, never treat the child as yours; never possess the child. It comes through you but it is not yours. God has only used you as a vehicle, a medium, but the child is not your possession. Love, but never possess the child. If the mother starts possessing the child then the life is destroyed. The child starts becoming a prisoner. You are destroying his personality and you are reducing him to a thing. Only a thing can be possessed: a house can be possessed, a car can be possessed — never a person. So this is the first lesson — get ready for it. Before the child comes you should be able to greet him as an independent being, as a person in his own right, not just your child.

And the second thing: treat the child as you would treat a grown-up person. Never treat a child like a child. Treat the child with deep respect. God has chosen you to be a host. God has entered into your being as a guest The child is very fragile, helpless. It is very difficult to respect the child. It is very easy to humiliate the child. Humiliation comes very easy because the child is helpless and cannot do anything, cannot retaliate, cannot react.

Treat the child as a grown-up, and with great respect. Once you respect the child, you don’t try to impose your ideas on him. You don’t try to impose anything on the child. You simply give him the freedom -freedom to explore the world. You help him to become more and more powerful in exploring the world but you never give him directions. You give him energy, you give him protection, you give him security, all that he needs, but you help him to go farther away from you to explore the world.

And of course in freedom the wrong is also included. It is very difficult for a mother to learn that when you give freedom to a child it is not freedom only to do good. It is also necessarily the freedom to do bad, to do wrong. So make the child alert, intelligent, but never give him any commandments — nobody keeps them, and people become hypocrites. So if you really love the child, the one thing has to be remembered: never, never help him in any way, force him in any way, to become a hypocrite.

And the third thing: don’t listen to the morality, don’t listen to religion, don’t listen to culture — listen to nature. Whatsoever is natural is good — even if sometimes it is very difficult for you, very uncomfortable for you. Because you have been not brought up according to nature. Your parents were not bringing you up with real art, love. It was just an accidental thing. Don’t repeat the same mistakes. Many times you will feel very uneasy….

You are there to facilitate whatsoever nature is unfolding. You are not to direct nature. You are just to be there as a help.

So these three things… and start meditating. Before the child is born you should go as deeply as possible in meditation. When the child is within your womb, whatsoever you are doing continuously goes as a vibration to the child. If you are angry, your stomach has a tension of anger. The child immediately feels it.

When you are sad, your stomach has an atmosphere of sadness. Immediately the child feels dull, depressed. The child totally depends on you. Whatsoever is your mood is the mood of the child. The child has no independence right now: your climate is his climate. So no more fighting, no more anger. That’s why I say that to be a mother is a great responsibility. You will have to sacrifice much. Now during these coming seven months you have to be very very alert. The child is more important than anything else. If somebody insults you, accept it, but don’t get angry. Say, ‘I am pregnant, and the child is more important than getting angry at you. This episode will pass and after a few days I will not remember who has insulted me and what I have done. But the child is going to be there at least seventy, eighty years in the world. It is a big project.’ Even if you want, note it down in the diary. When the child is born, then you can be angry, but not right now. Just say, ‘I am a pregnant mother. I cannot be angry — that is not allowed.’

This is what I call sensitive understanding. No more sadness, no more anger, no more hatred, no more fighting.  So for these days, be celebrating. Dance, sing, listen to music, meditate, love. Be very soft. Don’t do anything hectic, in a hurry. Don’t do anything in a tension. Just go slowly. Slow down absolutely. A great guest is to come — you have to receive him. Good, be a mother!